I can do this. Surely.

I set my alarm to wake me much earlier than I am used to so that I could a) use the midnight wi-fi and, b) finally write the blog post that I have been putting off. This is not that post. Also, I didn't wake up as early as I thought I would. I'm not sure what I expected: I hate being up when it is dark outside.

Anyway. Here I am, and I don't know where to start. Should I write about my favourite song? About the last book I read? The last movie I watched? I know I've had a list of things I wanted to write since last January, but none of them ever materialised.

I came close to writing again almost three weeks ago, after #Beychella. I wanted to try my hand at one of those minute-by-minute reaction lists that I always like to see on Buzzfeed. I had a pen with me as I watched and I made comprehensive notes. I tried a few days later to write it up for my Tumblr, but stopped before I even got halfway. Now it's too late.
Of course, Beyoncé is always relevant. That's why I made the effort to learn the keyboard shortcut for her name - so that writing about her could be more efficient and grammatically correct. But, ugh, I don't know. Who cares? What I have to say has basically already been said by other people on Twitter... But how long am I going to keep that post in drafts?

My not knowing where to start is also a problem because 2018 is supposed to be the year where I confidently write several engaging quality pieces for money. This is how I am supposed to be making money outside of my regular job. As in, writing should be the way I console myself about how much I hate my regular job. But how can I find comfort in something that I am not even willing to put effort into?

Several times a week I check the messages on the freelancer's Slack group I am part of to see what everyone else is pitching. They all seem very busy. And then there's me, lurking somewhere in the background, always saying "I should put together a pitch" and then not doing it. It's kind of embarrassing.

But right now, at 06:32 on a Thursday morning with a "writing playlist" on in another tab, I do have something going for me: I've written this. This is more than I have written outside of work in ages. And not that there has been a lack of material or remarkable moments. I've just been doing all the remarking in my head instead of on this blog...

So, can I keep this up for at least one more post? Maybe even come up with one idea to pitch?

One thing is for sure: I can't say I don't have the resources to make this happen. I have a laptop (it doesn't technically belong to me but it will do) and I have wi-fi. That is very good. That is basically all I need!

I can do this. Surely.

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