Showing posts from April, 2017

"It's Just a Little Crush" - Jennifer Rush

Recently, while I was sitting at my desk checking my social media on company time (what a rush!), I found myself getting lost in the Instagram archives of a young South African actress. As I went further and further into the history, I felt myself growing more and more interested in her. Her tattoos, her friends, her selfies, her band, her life. After about ten minutes of this I realised I was getting a strange kind of pleasure from looking at her. It was as if I liked her in more than a detached “she was in that one movie that other year” way.
I mean, I don’t know if there are any studies about how long it takes to develop a crush, but that afternoon I definitely started feeling something towards this woman. So I’ve spent some time trying to put a name to this something.
In pop culture parlance, this would probably be called a “girl crush”. Before I go any further I want to make it clear that I completely agree with Mindy Lahiri: saying “girl crush” is stupid; saying “crush” does not…

I want you here, but really I don't want anyone here at all. You know?

9 April 2017: Yesterday afternoon I was in bed, watching series on my laptop, drifting in and out of a nap. “Wow,” I thought, “sleeping in on a Saturday is so nice.”
Then I thought “It would be so much better if there was someone here with me…”
I’ve seen several tweets about “craving cuddles” and “co-sleeping” on my timeline, and I’ve always agreed with the sentiment in a detached sort of way. But yesterday. Yesterday I felt like something was truly missing from me, like if I could call someone up and say “come over, we can just nap the whole time. It will be fun”, I would. Because then I would be a little less lonely.
For years I’ve read about how truly alone a person can feel when they’re living alone. There have been stories about how there’s no one to come home to; how the quiet becomes disturbing; how a person begins to yearn for the physical presence of others.
At best, the people who write these stories learn to be self-sufficient and to value the experience of being alone. At wor…

"What are your deal breakers?"

Someone asked me what my deal breakers were when it comes to relationships, and I didn’t know how to answer. I quickly said something about how you can never be sure what you don’t want, and so I can only I wouldn’t want to deal with whatever type of person I didn’t get along with in the past. So I will only know what I don’t want when I see it.
When I was told my answer was very diplomatic I realised that I really hadn’t made much of a statement. So do I even know what my deal breakers are?
Deal breaker implies terms or situations that I would not want to be in, but do I even know what I do want? I don’t believe that I do.
If I go way back to primary school, and if I follow the principle that what I want is what I am naturally attracted to (whether or not that is accurate), then I have to use my very first crush as the measure of my standards and preferences.
He had dark hair, wasn’t much taller than me, and was the most popular boy in our grade. He had whatever charisma an 11-year-old …

I don't know how to decorate my flat (Part 1 of MANY)

I'm experimenting with short (or long, we'll see) pieces about what it's like living alone and trying to figure out how to decorate and where to shop and how to burn scented candles and how to keep your kitchen clean. I don't know yet what I want to do in terms of hanging art or sourcing plants, and this is where this question came from.

Is doing puzzles and then framing them only for old people?
I like pretty pictures, I like frames, I like puzzles and I wish I could do more of them. I like the idea of hanging pictures on the walls in my house. Art in the home is like a subtle way to tell everyone who enters exactly who you are at every turn, without spending the entire visit saying “hey, do you know who I am? Do you like me? I hope this all makes sense…”
And from that statement with its existential tinge, back to the main question: is framing puzzles a creepy thing that strange old people do? I mean, I’m imagining people walking in, seeing the puzzle in the frame, and t…